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Monday, 15 December 2008

Chapter 2.

Dad decided that when I could spell mountain and name off a few of the famous dictators, I could start school. So at 4 my mom went on a mad dash trying to find the perfect private school for me. I would cry every day she dropped me off.

One day during Chapel time, they had a altar call. At first I thought it was for a prize so I raised my hand. After bringing me back to a room, they explained what exactly it was, and why we ask Jesus into our heart. I was so excited. Little did I know, no prize could ever amount the huge gift Christ gave us. That day was the start of my christian journey. With faith as a child I followed Gods calling.

One night while I was at dad and Annalies' I got a call from Bob. He tells me that he has accepted Christ as his savior and he is a new creature. How excited I was. Maybe things would change. Maybe he would stop being so mean.

For a couple years there was a difference. He would hug me, and talk about Jesus. When he lost his temper and blew up, he would apologizes. He would leave for Promise Keepers and come back a different man. Then I started to notice the light in his eyes was gone. It just looked dead. He became even more antagonistic, and angry. He would pick fights for no reason and throw things. Once I was thrown against a wall and threatened with my life because I put a coke can in the trash instead of the recycle bin. Or slapped and pushed down the hall way because I used 2 paper towel's instead of one. He always managed to do these things when mom was gone. Granted, he fought with her, and called her horrible names and gave awful threats, but she never knew what he put us through when she was gone. It just worsened as time went on.

During all this, They took me out of school, and started homeschooling. My dad got a job in Los Angeles. He would go up there during the week and come home on weekends. I loved it when he was home. He would come in pat us on the heads, and we knew he loved us. Even if he wasn't around much, I truly looked forward to the little time we had with him. After a while I started resenting the time he spent away. I didn't understand Annalies' strict rules for the house. Dad was too scared to let me even cross the street to go to a friends house.

Dad and Annalies had another baby. Clement. Being a little older, I really was close to him. I would just sit and rock him. What a special child he was (and still is)

I started making new friends, and became involved in a homeschool group and Awana at our church. One of my friends Nikki has been around forever. Her mom and mine were friends before we were even born. We also became friends with a girl named Bethany. She had 12 brothers and sisters. We would all go over to their house and have so much fun. These were some of my best memories.

At age 9 things changed. I started developing and I started my period. Mom got a job cleaning offices at night, and so we were left alone with Bob.

Bob started asking very inappropriate questions about personal female things. I was very uncomfortable, but tried acting mature and nonchalant because I didn't want him to know how embarrassed I was. One early morning before mom had gotten back, he called me into his room. Had me get under the covers. I tried staying as far away from him as possible, because I knew he was naked. He pulled me closer and stuck his hand down my shirt. I was shocked. I didn't know what to do. I had always been told that if someone touched me inappropriately I was to scream and tell my parents. Well, what do you do when it was a parent? I was afraid he would hurt me if I told mom, and I was too embarrassed to say anything anyways. So it continued. For years this went on.

I was becoming a teenager. I had great friends and I loved our youth group at church. I was one leaders favorite. She would take me to movies and come talk with me whenever I needed too. She is one I will never forget.

After a while, the fact that my dad was never home, and Annalies' rules started to chafe. I decided that I wanted to live full time with my mom. I wanted to be around all my friends, Go to all the church functions, and watch and listen to whatever I wanted. I wrote my parents a letter, mom talked to dad, and that was the last we heard from them in over a year.

Things were getting even worse with Bob. I would get that feeling of panic everytime I heard the garage door open, because I never knew what kind of mood he would be in. I ran away once when I was 13. He and I got into it one day because He made the remark that is was disgusting for white women to marry black men. His reasoning was women are beneath men, and black people are beneath white, so when a white woman marries a black man they are equal and it is a sin. He was so mad that I wouldn't agree, that he called me a disgusting person and said he would kill me if I didn't get out of his house. I went and stayed a few days with Bethany until mom made me come home.

We had gotten involved with CMA (Christian motorcycle association) We would go out to rallys and it was always fun. Bob would be busy visiting with other bikers, and I would bring friends.

We also started taking in exchange students. So many Japanese girls, a few guys. One girl from Denmark that I was very close too. One 18 yr old guy from France and a 21 yr old guy from Brazil. Robson the man from Brazil, was the first guy I ever kissed. Not sure what either of us were thinking. He was a big partier, and had a serious girl friend in Brazil that he was cheating on with many many different girls. Oh how I thought I was in love. Oh how God was protecting me.

After a trip out to Arkansas for the Changing of the Colors Rally, we were on our way home, and it just didn't feel right. There was this draw to go back. Not only did I think I was in love with a guy who lived out there, but I just felt that Mena was where we were supposed to be. I told mom and Bob. We all sat down and Bob said “If I get $15,000 then we will move” Mom and I started praying, and He had so many jobs that within a month he had that much in his pocket. A few months later, we moved.

I am not going to lie and say that it was wonderful when we got here. We were used to beautiful weather, and gorgeous beaches. When we got to town spring hadn't started yet. All the trees were bare, and it was such a small town. Bob picked out this ugly house out in the middle of nowhere. Mom went into town and came back in shock. We just sat and cried because we were so out of our element. We couldn't move back because Bob left outstanding warrents for his arrest in California.

The work was unpredictable at best. When he had a lot he would go through money like crazy, and when he would sit at home for weeks and sometimes months, he made our life a living hell.

This was a good growing experience for me though. I had no friends my family was going through huge adjustments, so I would spend hours reading my bible. Getting closer and closer to God. Even through the turmoil, He was there as a comfort.

I started going to a church in Hatfield. I started making friends, and seeing a new way of worship. It was definitely different from the way I was raised. I didn't agree with all they taught, but I loved the way I could feel the Holy Spirits presence during praise and worship.

I started going to public school for the first time in my life. I began as a junior, and started making more friends.

At home we moved quite regularly. Bob decided to go off to Texas and try to get some work. He would come home quite often and disrupt our happy lives. One day he was scheduled to come home and didn't. Come to find out he had been pulled over for a traffic violation, and arrested due to multiple warrants. He was in jail for over a month. It was one of the best of my life.

While mom was working at Wal Mart, she came home one night talking about this wonderful guy she met. How polite he was and good looking, and she said he was perfect for me...he was just a little too old. Little did I know how smart my mother truly was.

A good friend of mine had a Christmas party and invited me. I knew a certain boy was going to be there, and decided to go. Upstairs there was this guy wearing high water pants and socks with his sandals. His name was Greg. I said hi, but didn't give him more then a passing glance. The guy I was interested in was down stairs! We played Dirty Santa, and I ended up with a Taz stuffed animal. The gift that a certain sock and sandal wearing boy had brought.

A few months went by and we moved yet again. This time I knew who moved into our house. It was three guys. One of which was Greg. He would bring us mail that was delivered to his house. The first time he came, I went to bed that night praying “Lord, I know you have a great plan for me. If it involves this man, please let it just work out”. You see, he was 21, and I was still just 15. A few weeks went by, and Greg would stop by two or three times a week with mail. When it started being addressed to Siegfrieds, or current resident, I started to get the feeling he was being more then just helpful.

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Chapter 1
All I ever wanted to be was a mom. No big elaborate dreams. I wanted 6 kids, a husband, and I wanted to stay at home and raise them. I used to feel unimportant with the life I had chosen. I don't work. I am not contributing anything. I have no goals. I have now been shown, that nothing is more precious, more rewarding, more satisfying then looking your child in the eye and knowing you have given all you have to make them well rounded, feel special, and loved. Then of course the pride you feel when your child desires the Lord. This is the highest calling. To understand who I am, I guess we need to start at the beginning.

You see, I was never supposed to be here. The doctors told her, she would never have a child without serious medical intervention. Yet that positive test mocked everything they said. They called me their miracle child. Me! I was somebodies miracle.

After eight years of trying to get pregnant, my mother gave birth one warm Californian spring day. After 22 hours of very difficult labor mom gave birth to a 10 lb 9 oz baby girl. The doctors had argued with her over having a C-section, but my mom would have none of that. They all laughed, because after such a strenuous labor I came out looking much like a cone head. Not the prettiest baby, but she said they thought I was just beautiful...a few days later.

During her pregnancy, my dad was taking a class at Christian Heritage College. The professors daughter was named Jerusha. My dad fell in love with the name. Came home and told my mom that they were having a girl and her name would be Jerusha. Jerusha?!? My mother being the good submissive wife that she was said ok.

I was placed by God into a wonderful Christian home. My Father was a College age youth pastor, and my mother was the epitome of a youth pastors wife. Dad was also the churches school's principal, and my mother the head secretary. They were the perfect couple. For a while.

A few years had past, and things started to change. My first memory is when I was approximately 3 years old. I was sitting on the arm of the couch playing a game. I was guessing to see which parent would yell next. I don't know if it was because it was such a shock that they were actually fighting that that is why it has stuck in my head. I don't know, but I also remember my dad taking me for a walk right after that. I had skinned my knee, and he got me a slurpee at the gas station. He then carried me back to the house on his big strong shoulders.

My dad was having an affair. With my mothers fellow secretary and friend. They sold the house, and mom and I moved into a small apartment in a questionable neighborhood. Word got back to their church, that my mom was the reason for the upcoming divorce. The pastor came to her, and told her that she was in sin. That she needed to repent and go back to my father. Though it hurt like hell, she remained quiet and never set any of them straight on the reasons for why they split up. Everyone in the church turned their back, and mom felt she had failed God, or maybe that He failed her. After a while, she decided that the two of us needed to be in church. She got me all dressed up and took me to a near by church. The message was on the sins of divorce. She decided then and there that she was too far gone. She calls this her time of back sliding. She started going out with friends drinking to ease the pain of it all.

During all this, my dad married my step mom. For a child who is in a split family, I couldn't have asked for a better step mom. Annalies loved me as her own. I will say one thing about my dad. He sure knows how to pick them.

Dad and Annalies had a baby boy named Richard Keith jr. A beautiful baby boy that only minutes after birth they needed to resuscitate. He was born with severe Cerebral Palasie. This obviously brought my father to his knees.